My test was negative

My test on Monday was negative.  Needless to say I've found myself extremely sad, almost like that feeling of being kicked in the stomach... when you can't quite catch your breath.  I was so extremely hopeful for Mike and I this past cycle.  I am being faced with some of the toughest decisions of my life.  I don't know that financially we will be able to afford IVF.  It will give us better odds of pregnancy but 12-13,000 is a lot of money that we DO NOT have!  It totally sucks that I must face such an uphill battle, but this is the hand I have been dealt. 

This journey in changing me and my heart forever.  I find myself resentful of the woman having babies everyday.  Today I went to a delivery with a woman having twins... she is living in a homeless shelter, she is young, works a minimum wage job, and the father does not want the babies... I find myself asking why not me?  When will it be my turn?  I cant help but be jealous of what she has, even though it's so little.  Please pray for my acceptance and healing for my broken heart.

Our 2WW begins...

Our 2WW  begins... This morning we went in for the SA and IUI.  My husband is a rockstar, 63million post wash.... Now to just have 1 little swimmer find its target!  After having something planned everyday for the last month, the next 2 weeks I might get bored (NOT)!  I won't know much so therefore I won't be updating as frequently!   I'm scheduled to go in for my beta (blood pregnancy test) on 2 weeks from Monday.  Many prayers for a successful fertilization and implantation.  

Mike and I had the boys this weekend.... they enjoyed playing with the dogs!  We went to the Renaissance festival in the middle of the rain yesterday, we had a great time just a little on the muddy side!  Well I better get moving, 2 boys are ready to go to Bass Pro Shop and then going to pick out some pumpkins before heading home.  I hope everyone has a great Sunday and good week! 

Triggered!

Today is the day I have waited 30days for.... My appt this morning we measured 5 follies: 1 at 19mm (mature), 14.5mm (which RE is hoping will be mature in time), 1 @ 13.8, and 2 @ 12.5.  My RE didnt give me an actual number of my E2 today but he did say that is was high and that I was ready.  I feel bad now knowing that we have finally made some headway, I requested at my appt (prior to the U/S) to speak to my Dr.  I wanted to be sure that we were all on the same page and that this cycle will be finished 1 way or another today.  8 cartridges of Follistim later and I triggered with Ovidrel 20mins ago.  I am ecstatic and nervous.  So much going through my mind... so hopeful for what could be!  Please pray for hubby and I as we take another step closer to our dream. 

Welcome Tripp

The last couple of days have been busy around our house.  We got a new dog... his name is Tripp!!  Harley really needed a playmate so we adopted another friend for her.  Tripp is half Harleys size, he's a Dauschund/Beagle mix and he is a whole 17 pounds.  He is very sweet and keeps up with Harley playing nonstop.  He is a happy little fella and we are loving having him at our house.  Except that he has felt the need to "mark his territory" and on my carpet.  But I guess we will keep him!

Today started off frustrating... I got in my car to head to my appt and it wouldn't start, just click, click, click!  So I called Mike and he came home from work to help me, but of course we tried to jump start it and nothing...dead as a door nail.  So Mike went with me to my appt, which proved to be quite interesting.  I was disappointed because my 1 follicle didnt grow, in fact, it stayed the same.  But to my surprise we had some growth.. 3 other follicles have began to grow.  She measured 5...yes 5!!!!!  Holy smokes.... 1 follie at 13.8mm(same one from last time), 1 follie at 13mm, 1 at 12mm, and 1 at 11mm and 1 at 10mm.  WOWZER!  I finally have growth.... I could do a jig!!!  My E2 today is 496... we are getting so close!!!  I go back on Friday for a recheck and hopefully that is the day I will trigger, so it looks like Sunday morning might be our insemination.  Wish me luck!  And maybe a small prayer for only 3 to get to mature... I would hate to see all this work go to waste because too many decided to come out and play!

I was reminded again today of Gods power in my life... I was at Fed Ex, after my appointment, to pick up my meds again and will need 1 more order again this week to get through to Friday.  When a woman came in crying while I was checking out.  She handed the woman at the counter a picture and said "he's missing"  I was sad for her... I had assumed it was her dog.  Then as I was walking away I got a closer look, it was a picture of about a 3year old little boy... My heart was broken!!  Please pray for this family and families everywhere that have "lost" their children.  God reminded me in that moment that I have inner strength that will carry me through whatever obstacle that lies ahead... God bless each of you that have given me strength in my time of need. 

She'll be coming around the mountain...

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes... I think my ovaries are finally starting to work?!?!  Mike was able to go with me today, bright and early!  We were the first appt of the day, so the hubby got to see my uterus and ovaries at my U/S and we have 1 follicle measuring 14mm, and my b/w (E2) was an impressive 326.  Tonights dosage will be the same.... 150IU.  My E2 shows that my follicle is maturing just the way it should be and we should only be at this for a few more days.  Im elated!!  After 27shots over the last 22 days Im so excited for this cycle to finally reach the midway point... my next appt is Tuesday morning and from there we will know whats in store for the rest of the week.  Grow follie grow! Fingers crossed for our IUI to be Thursday or Friday (my days off).  Bless my co-workers for covering for me so I have been able to run over to the Drs office for my biweekly appts.  I would never have gotten through this first cycle without their support!  My prayers today are for my husband that he will always know how wonderful I think he is, even when "the hormones" make me difficult.  I love you Michael and I pray we are 1 day closer to our goal. 

Thumbs down AGAIN!

And the disappointment continues on CD 22... My appt today showed 1 follicle on the rt at 12.3mm but the other 1 that was measured 3days ago has disappeared.  My new dosage is 150IU.  My E2 is now 173.  My next appt is Sunday.  No matter what angle I look at my situation today I can find no positive. I need your prayers more than ever... Infertility is so unfair.  For those wondering, a normal cycle last 28days with ovulation occuring between CD 12-16days and as you can see from my number we may be at this for quite a while longer this cycle for a 25% chance at pregnancy.  This is my dream and I know I must fight and so when I read this poem today I have made it my new motto...

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low, and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit....

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit....

It's when things go wrong that you musn't quit.

So heres to hoping Sunday comes with more uplifiting news...

   

Monday Night Football

Good afternoon!  The sun is shining and it is a great day!?  The buzz is rampant around KC... today is opening night for the Chiefs and Monday Night Football!!  I am very excited because football season is finally here and with that means my favorite season... FALL!!  Bring on the highs in the 60's and relief from allergies.  I got in the mood for fall and football season with chili dogs and frito pies for dinner... GO CHIEFS!! 

When I got home tonight completely exhausted from insomnia, after the last week of not sleeping well, my sweet little furbaby had a different plan than chillaxin!  Miss Harley decided she had been cooped up all day and needed a good run, so off to the backyard we went.  She loves to be chased with her rope ball in her mouth and chasin is what I did!  Whew, now maybe some computer time without being nudged for petting or ball throwing for 10mins... :)

On another note today is CD 19 and my appt today left me with mixed feelings... E2 dropped to 160 (??WTH??) but the U/S proved to keep my spirits up!  1 follie at 10.5mm on rt and 1 follie 8.5mm on lt... On the menu tonight: 1 extra click Follistim to 142IU.  With that said another medication order was placed today... So prayers today for the safe delivery of my meds and for the workers who fill my order every 4-5days and for those who delivery them to me!  They have no idea about the impact they are having on my life, they are giving my husband and I hope for the future!