My test on Monday was negative. Needless to say I've found myself extremely sad, almost like that feeling of being kicked in the stomach... when you can't quite catch your breath. I was so extremely hopeful for Mike and I this past cycle. I am being faced with some of the toughest decisions of my life. I don't know that financially we will be able to afford IVF. It will give us better odds of pregnancy but 12-13,000 is a lot of money that we DO NOT have! It totally sucks that I must face such an uphill battle, but this is the hand I have been dealt.
This journey in changing me and my heart forever. I find myself resentful of the woman having babies everyday. Today I went to a delivery with a woman having twins... she is living in a homeless shelter, she is young, works a minimum wage job, and the father does not want the babies... I find myself asking why not me? When will it be my turn? I cant help but be jealous of what she has, even though it's so little. Please pray for my acceptance and healing for my broken heart.
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