My test was negative

My test on Monday was negative.  Needless to say I've found myself extremely sad, almost like that feeling of being kicked in the stomach... when you can't quite catch your breath.  I was so extremely hopeful for Mike and I this past cycle.  I am being faced with some of the toughest decisions of my life.  I don't know that financially we will be able to afford IVF.  It will give us better odds of pregnancy but 12-13,000 is a lot of money that we DO NOT have!  It totally sucks that I must face such an uphill battle, but this is the hand I have been dealt. 

This journey in changing me and my heart forever.  I find myself resentful of the woman having babies everyday.  Today I went to a delivery with a woman having twins... she is living in a homeless shelter, she is young, works a minimum wage job, and the father does not want the babies... I find myself asking why not me?  When will it be my turn?  I cant help but be jealous of what she has, even though it's so little.  Please pray for my acceptance and healing for my broken heart.